no longer using this blog.. i missed blogger but gona start using xanga now..

www.xanga.com/everything2mii

lova ya all!!

random ramblings

i know it's been a long time since i started blogging. there's been too much going on.



lately, ive been doing alot of thinking. i just keep wondering what's the use of this blog here. there a number things i would realy wanna write it down but becoz of not hurting ppl's feeling..i dont ..



gotta start with this. started skype during the holidays and since then, i met this girl in australia and some other friends.. from all the world and kirra, the girl.. she's real nice.. she's a doctor...jonathan..has the cutest british accent. he's from london! lovy dovy!!!..



ivin's coming over later to hang out at the park..

*2 hours later

came bak from the park with ivin..saw a few little new born puppies.. they're lyk omg the cutest thing i've ever seen in my life! ><>

dad and i still havent talk. everyone just fucking assumes everything's gona be alright! well , IT WONT!
i dont know what's the problem here.ppl just argh.. i sooo hate it now! im full of rage and anger right now. i dont know how to control and also express my angers and feelings to anyone!

i just wanna get this 5 months over and get 2 months off at home. i cant wait for it to happen. i need it! many shits has happen. ppl that i care bout are leaving me. everyone's changing. the one guy whom i can trust, dont see to be able to anymore, dad and i hate each other, fell for someone but getting the heart broken, watching someone else taking someone i care about away. Arghh n soo much more. i just cant finish writing them.

i just feel lyk any minute now im about to lose it. everything seems even out of place than before. before i met u, at least i wasnt doing this.. at least i wasnt sulking much.. now i just cant stop thinking bout it. ur always on my mind no matter how freakkin hard i tried to get u off it. ur always everywhere. wheverer i go, wherever i am, ppl just reminds me of you. its either ur name pops up sumwhere or sumones says ur name. i just cant take it anymore. i dont know why!

anywayz had alot of fun with kirra and chris on skype! u guys are the most amazing audience ever!! love love love <3>

pushing it to the limit..

what am i going to do now?

i seriously dont know what i should do. what should i do? no where seems to fit well for me long enough to feel belonged. everywhere i turn to is a problem. family. friends. best friend. love. u. me. her. him. erghh.

u think im the toughest all the time but im not. i have feelings too. i have my own problems. im not gona sit down there and listen to u guys ranting and telling me all ur problems and expect me to sit there cry wid u. what about me? think, have u guys been there for me through all these shits and fucked up problems? NO!

i saw ur blog juz then. yeah seems lyk u had more fun than i did during my bday.

i keep trying to tell myself, yeah maybe they're right sometimes, maybe im selfish and all and i try to be there for u guys. whenever u guys need me, i'll always be at ur doorstep and come lookin for u guys. whenever ur sick, i brought u food. to be honest,remember the whole thing u done at my house? i got all the freakkin blame.. juz so my mom wont go tell urs.. i took the whole shit in by myself and where were u guys?? ur excuse was becoz u were afraid?

where did all of it went? those good times. i remember we used to have soo much fun. going to each other's house. playing dressed up. spending time at the park. where did all that went? us calling ech other everyday. just to talk random stuffs? i really miss my " best friends " .

u may think im selfish and all but i rather speak how i feel than lying to u all the time. pretending nothing happen. i was deleting and writing all over again. and deleting again.

fell sick during the first day of school reopens. and my freakkin head hurts soo much now. i've said alot and i need a break from everything.

car accident...

was on the way to watch iron man and a bunch of crazy people crashed into dad's car. the front part of the car was all crashed up. :( but thank god no one suffered from serious injuries.
mom and i were shocked. mom hit her head and was hurting. dad was so pissed off and went down the car and started talkin to those bunch of guys. at first i thought they were gona hit dad as there were lyk 7 of them and we oni got DAD. yikes! ><

after everythin.. we came back home and everyhting went back lyk usual. Mom started cookin and Dad started fixing stuff. Bro started playin wid the computer and as usual, i was called around doing stuffs all day! ><>

i wanna rewind back to this morning first tho. was talkin to vic the whole morning.. as usual, blast off everything to him bout mom and dad, lil brother and shit happens and stuff. vic's probably the only guy who understands me the most. i never thought i could opened to someone so much and most of all a guy. when vanessa asked me if victor meant alot to me, i didnt know what to say so i said no.. but im havin doubts bout what i said.. maybe victor does means alot to me. more than i think he would be.

tomorrow's first day of school after the second term holiday. Im pretty sure no one wants to go back to school and IM INCLUDED but to think that i could actually meet my friends again! *stephie.jules.kj.cal.lex * MII dont care if i have to do all my homeworks too tonite.

probably gona go now. dont feel lyk staying on anyway...nothing much for me to care and think bout

ps : THANKS VIC!! FOR EVERYTHING <3>

getting addicted to ...

i just finished watching this youtube video..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gQNY7Sti8FY

i totally understand what she means right now. and it actually caught me thinkin.. it's true, i dont really remember most of my childhood doing stuffs wid friends and family members but instead..staying at home playing computer, aim, phone and tv and everything.

as everything's begining to be more expensive, petrol, food, flour, egg, milk, sugar and even electricity and water bills. mom and dad was talking bout it and saying that no longer can spend extra..luxiouries like going on shoppin should be cut down.

to be honest..things arent really going on well at home. probably some of you who knows me, heard my mom shouting over the phone and through the line.. seriously, it's getting soo bad right now. i dont know what i can do much anymore because i really dont know and it's outta my control and knowledge to handle it but seriously, it's heartbreakin to see it happen over and over again when they say it's their last..
this time, im keepin everything in becoz i realised there's no point in tellin anyone bout it, ( it's not even something good to know anyway ) but i really gotta let it out this time.. everytime it feels like im about to lose it.

i stopped drinkin some time ago but took a couple last nite.. and it felt good. i felt soo release and relaxed after takin it. mom found out bout me taking some of it.. i thought she would flipped but all she said was, dont drink so much. dad's always freakkin not around at home. mom's always pissed about it. dad pretty much dont care bout anything and i thnk mom has given up on him.

sometimes im really scared that they might break up and i have to choose between the two. i dont want my family to fall apart but what if it does? who will be there to hold me? who will be there to support me? no one..

going insane

finally back to reality check that school reopens in two more days. Sum part of me dont want to go back to school becoz i had found alot of interesting things to do durin the holidays but on the other hand, i wanna be able to be close to my friends again. Most of all, you.

It's weird how i actually agreed to go IKEA wid mom when i dont really want to go anywhere but just sticking my lazy ass on the bed and sleep all i want. Had a " nice time " wid kirra and cherelle. Best interenet buddies! ( we'll always have wipped cream wid chocolate, vannila and strawberry flavours " * blushed * LOL

Anyway, like i said i didnt feel like going anywhere because i was so freakkin tired from last nite but what the heck.. i realise i didnt really spend much time with my parents during the holidays. As a matter of a fact, we never spend time together for a very long long time. For instance, was supposed to go Port Dickson tomorrow but because i dont know why, we're NOT GOING ANYMORE. Dont wanna talk bout it anymore.

So..i bought quite some things for myself in IKEA. Got a silver-metallic notice board for my room. ( for later in future, if so happens fight wid mami and daddy, can guna lo ), bought a new plant for fresh air and some stuff but i cant remember anymore.

Anyway.. ima go help mom cook now!

How long has it been that I have been running from my fears?
Days? Weeks? Or years?

How I looked away from seeing your smile, and yet stroking your hair while you were asleep every once in a while.
I could not have told you by mouth with my heart filled with doubt.
What I felt was more than just love for love is but a word.
Every verse of your life became the words filling my heart like a book.
But losing you was like the torn pages you took, ripping my heart apart.
We have not dreams but memories, times we may sometimes forget.
But yet, they were all so perfect.

written by Joey Tham

ramblings for TODAY

finally finished up my english lit notes.. pretty tired from everything. it's been raining in the evening practically everyday. makes the day pass by even faster. birthday's finally here and gone. couldnt celebrate wid stephie and jules tho. Wonder what are they doing lyk rite now? MUAHAHAHAH can't wait to get back to school to see them.

talking bout school.. dont think i'll be going to school on tuesday. And ITS BECAUSE I HAVE SUMWHERE TO GO! lol. wonder what the outcome would be like. cant wait to tuesday!!

begining to join skype too :D add me up! ( babymanda0530 ) = )
finally got rid of the whole pop up window thingy yay!

there's plenty to come next week when i head back to school and like really for the first time, staying in class and studying after the PHANTOM OF THE OPERA is over. not a day goes by where i dont miss it! all the fun times we had through ups and downs. Lucky i have pictures xD

currently watching the house of carters! AND I CANT STOP IT NOW!! NICK AND AARON ARE SOOO HAWT!!! <3>

anyzways gona go to qiao se's house to pick her up to the park. Promise would take her out and have fun! so im out! LOL